Playing the hand that's been dealt

Sometimes I feel like I am living in Groundhog Day Universe, and I need to figure out just how to change myself to make us move on to the next day instead of the same things repeating over and over.

I still don't have a job. It's not for lack of trying. Everyday I do the same thing, several times a day, looking for jobs, seeing if anything is updated. The other day I sent in eight applications. And two days before that I sent in six. I am applying for what I can. I feel like maybe I had been picky beforehand, but since I wasn't hired for the last VA job I applied for, I feel like there's no time for that. It's hard having worked my way up previously only to have to start at the bottom again. I guess that's just life. And looking for a job for over eight months is so exhausting.

We won a raffle and got a gift certificate for an AC or furnace worth $3500 including parts and labor. We are still at the in-laws, so we decided maybe we can make a little money off of it to help us out financially. We are asking for $1500, more than half off. It's a pretty good deal. We've had potential buyers, but they've fallen through. So we decided to post it on KSL to sell. It was on for only 5 hours when the owner of the company called to patronize us for placing it up saying he's losing money for it, and if we really want to sell it, that labor and parts won't be included.

I just feel like it seems when we finally have our hopes up, they seem to be shot down, almost instantly. We are able to pay for bills with what Kasey is making, but we aren't able to do anything else. Date nights are so rare. I was so happy that we were able to have one last month. They are definitely needed. If I had gotten that job, we would have been able to get our own house, get another car, pay for all of our bills, and still have money leftover for us to do things. I feel like such a failure. I need to know if and what I am doing wrong in my interviews, or if someone just happens to be more qualified than me. Believe me, I'm not all mopey when I am there, you are just always reading hen I am having a down moment. I am always positive, upbeat, smiling, and sending those happy vibes out to hopefully get that job.

We really need me to have a job with steady income coming in, so we can support ourselves and we can get our own place. Selling that ticket, the money wouldn't go too far, but we had plans with it. Kasey has been looking forward to the archery deer hunt which starts in mid-August. I don't want people saying we need to sort out or priorities on what to do with our money. Kasey needs this. He is working his ass off. He's working the weekends and going to school all week to provide for us. He's exhausted and needs a break and this is what he has been looking forward to since we've moved back. We would put some in savings, and then the rest for things we need. Yzzy needs to be fixed. If our friend is watching her and she's driving him nuts, the best we could do is finally get her fixed since we still can't take her back. It would just help us out tremendously, especially with gas.

I'm just hoping for me to get a job soon so we can move on and move forward with all of our plans, instead of just imagining when and if they will happen. There are a few jobs I am waiting to hear back from. I'm sending positive thoughts that way, and hoping that I will hear some good news! I just have to keep trying.