Year Long Update

Well, once again, it's been awhile. I finally forced myself to sit down and write. This might be a long one since it has been about a year since my last post. I had said in that one that I would be writing again about our exciting new updates, and I never did. Now I have a full year's worth to catch up on things. I'll probably miss a bunch, but here goes.

Last May (2016), I applied for and was accepted for the Budget Analyst position in the Research Department! I have now been in that position for a year. It was a GS 9/11, which means I just got my promotion, effective May 28th. I am now a GS 11. This is huge news for Kasey and I. This year for work has been a roller coaster of ups and downs that I would prefer to not go into, but I made it, and I am not even 30 yet. This is a huge accomplishment and there are a ton of people that helped me get there.

Last June Kasey graduated with his Bachelor's degree in Health Administration. I was so proud of him. He was applying for jobs left and right (or was I doing that part for him?? ;) ). He was accepted for a position in the Transfer and Lodging Department at the VA and has been there almost a year now. Everyone loves him at work and he likes working there. He's been thinking on and off about going back to school to achieve his Master's degree. I fully support him if that is something he is interested in doing. I believe he said he'll need something like 15 more classes to achieve that? Or 15 more credit hours? I know it's 15 something.

For the past year I have also started seriously thinking about applying for college. I love learning new things and it would be nice to have some classes under my belt. The problem is that I would want to take history classes and writing classes, because I love writing. None of this has to do with my work at all though. I would want to go to school for what I want to do. If I am paying for it, shouldn't I get that choice? We're still thinking about how to make it work, with one or both of us starting up college, but it could be very beneficial for us in the long run.

I didn't draw out for deer or elk last year, so I didn't do much hunting or camping at the end of the year. It was seriously mostly spent working a TON to close out and begin the new year at work. Those months (September, October, and November) are very crucial due to it being the change of the fiscal year, and it is very hard to get away. But I did draw my deer tag for this year, and so did Brittni! She is doing the mentor program, so she will be going with us this year. I will for sure be taking some time off at the end of September, but I don't think any other hunting will be available to me until I get a better handle on my new job...which may still be a while.

In November Kasey and I adopted an adorable baby Australian Shepherd. She has been my focal point since then, taking her to training sessions, car rides, store trips. We are so happy we got her. We had forgotten though what it was like to have a puppy, and it was a rough first few months getting into the groove of things. She's been a sassy sweet handful and I couldn't imagine not having her.

Now on to all of the health issues. At the end of December I fell like a rock down our tile stairs flat on my left butt cheek, hitting every single step along the way. The bruise took months to go away. It finally seemed like it was healed, but the pain has come back recently. We are wondering if I damaged a nerve or something.

Last November, Kasey and I went to the OB-GYN, with me basically begging inside for him to give me a hysterectomy. It was Kasey who did the speaking for me, because for some reason I didn't want my doctor to judge me. I knew going in that basically our next step is another surgery, but would it be for a hysterectomy or just another laparoscopy to check things out and clear out more endometriosis that continues to grow and affect me.

I don't think many people understand, or they at least don't talk about, how painful these things are and how it is just not as simple as taking some pill or using a heating pad. It's not just painful periods, it is literally passing out in the bathroom because you feel like you are dying and you feel like your hips are disintegrating into sand, it's not being able to enjoy sex because it hurts so bad, or not even having a libido at all. The decision to want a hysterectomy is not me just being hormonal or too emotional to make a decision. It is wanting to not only see my quality of life improve, but to improve both Kasey's and my quality of life.

We have been trying for kids since September 2011. We have been through 3 miscarriages, with the last one being the worst. I still cannot bring myself to delete the photos from my phone, the video of surprising Kasey, announcing to his Dad and Erin. It would be like it never existed. Even though Kasey and I have moved on from wanting kids, I still can't bring myself to delete them. It is slightly easier being around more babies, but I still have those hard days where I don't want to see another announcement, I don't want to see another reveal, because we won't have that. I get frustrated when people announce names, and it's another cross off the list of names I had been holding out to name our children.

Not having kids has been a range of emotions: Anger, frustration, jealousy, heartbreak, exhausting, mentally taxing, emotionally draining, resentment, denial, reclusive, happy, sad, relieved, closure, less of a woman, letting my partner down. Kasey and I have had many talks, and he is so supportive and has my back 100%, but it hurts that I know that he would be an amazing dad, and that I am not able to give that to him. But it has also been nice not having kids. Kasey and I have made it work with just us and our brood of pets. I feel like our family is complete now.

But back to the health stuff. So at this appointment where I am crying and frustrated and not sure what to do, the doctor said he would want to do things in phases since I wasn't completely set on taking everything out. While I didn't feel pressure from him, I bet he didn't want to schedule a hysterectomy for someone who isn't even 30 yet. He said we could do a laparoscopy, but in the meantime maybe try and go on birth control pills. I hadn't been on birth control pills in five years, but I know before I had been on numerous ones because either they made me feel sick or my body would get used to them and they just wouldn't be effective in the sense of taking care of my issues.

I was extremely hesitant, but we decided it was the best option and to go for it. It was a rough first few months trying to figure it out. They made me extremely ill, and it was hard to function. But then we figured that if I took them in the evening instead of the morning, they didn't effect me. I had never been regular in my entire life, and I was now able to start planning things out, months in advance, because I could basically count on a 28 day cycle. Things were looking up. I had a followup with the doctor and he even offered to go on a 6 week option instead of a 3 week on-one week off option, and we were considering it. Then the hives started....

At the end of April, I started getting hives here and there. They were a minor nuisance, but got progressively worse. When it had been two weeks, I was able to get in to see my primary care physician. He wasn't sure what was causing them, but prescribed me Prednisone, Zantac, and Zyrtec. The Prednisone was a nightmare. I mean it literally gave me nightmares, but because I was taking Zyrtec that makes me sleepy, I was basically stuck in my dreams every night like it was some Freddy Krueger fantasy of someone not being able to escape the terror. Then I was having severe mood swings. One day I would be fine, and then the next I would be hysterically crying and morose the entire day because of something so tiny, but then everything bothered me and it felt like the world was ending. My face swelled up and I didn't want to workout at all. It was extremely hard to focus on anything at all, and work was getting rougher, so it didn't help. BUT the hives went away!!

I eventually tapered off of the prednisone and my last pill was on Thursday 5/18. That Saturday I had a small recurrence, but I was told that would happen, and by Sunday it was gone. I had a few spots on and off throughout the week, but nothing that bothered me, and they'd disappear the next day as if they didn't exist....then this past Tuesday rolled around....

I woke up Tuesday morning and noticed I had spots on my legs and my hips. By the end of the day they were all over my arms. I scheduled an appointment with my primary care for Wednesday. He was just as flummoxed with why they came back. He told me to take more of the Zyrtec but didn't want to put me on the prednisone again so soon, and referred me to an Immunologist/Allergist. I called that person and he was scheduled out until August 14th. There was no way I could wait that long. By Thursday they were all over my chin and part of my face, all over my legs, arms, back, chest, stomach. My ankles swelled up throughout the day so bad, that by the end of the day I couldn't stand on them at all. I had lumps all over the palms of my hand and I couldn't grip anything. My joints were in so much pain. So I was able to get in with a different Immunologist for Friday morning. Thankfully it was my day off, because when I woke up, one of my eyes was swollen shut and I had lumps all over my forehead. I felt miserable. I took a shower. The last time I had the hives, showering was a relief. With this set of hives, it was extremely painful. It felt like I was burning, they stung so bad.

From the time I woke up to the time I was finally seen by the doctor at 10ish, my lumps had progressed so bad. If some of you saw my recent Facebook post, I added some pictures in the comments for you to see. The doctor was initially at a loss. He sprayed some nasty numbing stuff up my nose and shoved a scope down it to look at my vocal cords. Let's just say I don't think I was all that number up because it started to hurt and I became lightheaded. My vocal chords looked clear of any hives, but I needed to lay down for a few minutes to recover. He started thinking it was Stevens-Johnsons syndrome, which is basically a reaction to medication. But he was worried it could also be something else, because there were no sores present on my vocal cords nor anywhere in my mouth. He walked out for a moment and came back with a Rheumatologist. He looked me over and was perplexed as well. He said it looks like a reaction to something I am ingesting or it could be something viral. He said low priority would be something autoimmune, but to run that bloodwork anyway just in case.

He told me to stop the birth control pills immediately, continue on the Zyrtec, ordered more Prednisone, and sent me on my way downstairs to get lab work done. I started feeling a bit upset. "Stop the birth control pills". This was basically something that was pushing off surgery for me, and also giving me some sort of life where Kasey and I could make plans around my cycle. Kasey and I are now going to need to have another conversation about our plans.

I made my way downstairs and they called me back for the bloodwork. The guy started pulling out vial after vial. The end number was 11. I've never had a problem with getting my blood drawn. But he put the tourniquet on and instantly it feel extremely painful in my hand. Since I had been so swollen and itchy, my skin and joints had become so sensitive. My hand started turning blue, but I tried to suck it up, I've felt worse. After about 3 vials, I told him I wasn't feeling so good. Then about 5 or 6 vials in I told him I was going to pass out. He instantly pulled the needle out and wrapped my arm and said he was going to check and see if there was a bed open.

the next thing I remember is a ton of commotion and I am somehow laying on the ground and I can feel that I am sweating profusely. I have NEVER passed out before when getting my blood drawn. I actually always prided myself about how I could get my blood drawn and never have any issues. Well not anymore. Then the paramedics arrived. I was still feeling horrible. They did a sugar blood test and surprisingly for fasting, my levels were 113. To save me an ambulance bill, they very nicely pushed me over to the hospital right next door. I am so glad I didn't throw up on any of them, because I felt like I was going to the entire time. They gave me an IV and did some more bloodwork.

The Allergist came over to see me and said he sent some of my pictures to his Dermatologist friend who also agreed that it looks like I am reacting to something and reiterated to stop the birth control pills, and try to think of anything going back to April of something new or something changed that I came into contact with, including people who were sick....well I know several people at work that come in sick all the time...I just don't know what they're sick with. He said he would look over the bloodwork, and I have a followup appointment this next Thursday. I am seriously hoping for some answers.

Now I am at home, trying to rest. I haven't been feeling well all day. The hives have gone down considerably, but I am starting to feel more and more itchy as the day progresses, and it is extremely frustrating. I am hoping for relief soon.

Thankfully Kasey is like the perfect specimen and is in perfect health....or so we thought. We have finally found something wrong with him!!! Kasey has a severely deviated septum and swollen turbinate in his nose. We found this out I believe sometime in January or February and finally scheduled surgery for him on June 19th. Kasey has never had surgery like this or been put under anesthesia before. I think we're both a little nervous. I am just looking forward to him being able to breathe better and smell the things I always smells yet he tells me I have a brain tumor because he doesn't smell it at all. And this should help his sleeping immensely. We got a sleep number bed at the end of the year and it tracks your breathing and how restless you are and I believe he is sleeping horribly because of his nose. I can't wait to be able to see improvement for him!

So these are the few things that have been going on with us since a year has passed. I am sure I have missed a ton, but I am normally on Facebook and Snapchat and post most of our goings on there. I choose not to post much stuff about work anymore, because we know that can come back to bite you (Kathy Griffen), so it is just best to leave it off of there haha but this has been us in a nutshell!