Time Is Flying

I feel like since Kasey has come home, the time is flying by. It seems to take forever to pass when he is away, and then when he's here the days come and go so fast. So fast that his deployment is creeping up and it's making me anxious.

I know that he won't be "on the line" this time and that he shouldn't be doing as much as last time, but that doesn't make it any less nerve wracking. I would just rather have him here. Don't all of us military spouses want that? ;)

But that also means that time for me to make a decision is creeping up as well. Should I stay or should I go? It keeps changing. If you asked me a week and a half ago, I would say that it was 85/15 that I was staying and if you asked me two days ago it was 75/25 leaving, and if you ask me today, I don't know.

The pros and cons are basically the same as I've mentioned before, yet my mind keeps changing. Kasey wants me to go home. It makes sense, because besides him feeling that I'll be safer and around more people I know, I'll also have a place to live and hopefully a job set up so when he moves back and doesn't have a job himself, we will be ok. 

We had a discussion a few days ago and I kept throwing a lot of what ifs out there and he said I'm banking a lot on a decision because of what ifs. But that doesn't mean I'm still not thinking a lot about those.

I know I will probably feel a lot safer if I move back to Utah, depending on what part of Utah I move to, because it is just so scary here. While Kasey was gone, there was a scary incident that had me sleeping with the 1911 within arms reach of me all night.

It will be nice to be around family too and with a new nephew on the way, I could be some help if I were home too. And what if I get pregnant. It will be nice to have someone around to go to appointments with and share my excitement with.

But I also feel like I'm not ready to move back. If we plan on living in Utah after Kasey gets back for the rest of our lives then it's nice to have a break from there. I couldn't wait to get away in the first place. And I'm not that enthused to be moving back. But if that's where family is, then its nice to be around. Why couldn't everyone live in the UP? Or Wisconsin, I heard people are nice there.

Anyhoo, on the baby news, I just finished a round of clomid. With the thyroid medication in place and taking the fertility drugs, I'm hoping my hormones are on the mend and that my hostile uterus will be more welcoming for a tiny baby to make it's home for the next 9/10 months. So send baby dust my way everyone :D