Time Is Flying

I feel like since Kasey has come home, the time is flying by. It seems to take forever to pass when he is away, and then when he's here the days come and go so fast. So fast that his deployment is creeping up and it's making me anxious.

I know that he won't be "on the line" this time and that he shouldn't be doing as much as last time, but that doesn't make it any less nerve wracking. I would just rather have him here. Don't all of us military spouses want that? ;)

But that also means that time for me to make a decision is creeping up as well. Should I stay or should I go? It keeps changing. If you asked me a week and a half ago, I would say that it was 85/15 that I was staying and if you asked me two days ago it was 75/25 leaving, and if you ask me today, I don't know.

The pros and cons are basically the same as I've mentioned before, yet my mind keeps changing. Kasey wants me to go home. It makes sense, because besides him feeling that I'll be safer and around more people I know, I'll also have a place to live and hopefully a job set up so when he moves back and doesn't have a job himself, we will be ok. 

We had a discussion a few days ago and I kept throwing a lot of what ifs out there and he said I'm banking a lot on a decision because of what ifs. But that doesn't mean I'm still not thinking a lot about those.

I know I will probably feel a lot safer if I move back to Utah, depending on what part of Utah I move to, because it is just so scary here. While Kasey was gone, there was a scary incident that had me sleeping with the 1911 within arms reach of me all night.

It will be nice to be around family too and with a new nephew on the way, I could be some help if I were home too. And what if I get pregnant. It will be nice to have someone around to go to appointments with and share my excitement with.

But I also feel like I'm not ready to move back. If we plan on living in Utah after Kasey gets back for the rest of our lives then it's nice to have a break from there. I couldn't wait to get away in the first place. And I'm not that enthused to be moving back. But if that's where family is, then its nice to be around. Why couldn't everyone live in the UP? Or Wisconsin, I heard people are nice there.

Anyhoo, on the baby news, I just finished a round of clomid. With the thyroid medication in place and taking the fertility drugs, I'm hoping my hormones are on the mend and that my hostile uterus will be more welcoming for a tiny baby to make it's home for the next 9/10 months. So send baby dust my way everyone :D

Good News, Sort Of...

I am so happy we have finally figured out what's wrong with me! I have been able to finally go to the doctors and get blood work to see what's been going on.

I went to my Primary doctor first, even though I really thought that I would need to just see the OB/GYN. He didn't really have any answers for me besides my previous post mentioning I may have had a miscarriage. I got lab work done and he said he would refer me to an OB.

I set up and appointment with the Gynecologist and then just needed to wait. My primary doctor's office called me back and told me that it showed that my thyroid may be acting up, so I set up another appointment to come back in and see what's going on. Then I went to my appointment with the Gynecologist.

He was very nice and we talked for a bit and I told him all of the problems I have had in the past and the problems I am having now. He said I most likely have endometriosis again. I told him my doctor in Utah didn't want me to have another surgery because then that could cause more damage than good. He said what my other doctor told me as well, it's been proven that a lot of the problems I've been having go away after having a baby. So he said he can give me shots for the endometriosis, but that would make it harder to get pregnant while I'm on it since it affects my ovulating or he could start me on fertility pills. We went with the fertility pills :) Kasey and I want a family. So I will start those as soon as it's time to start them.

Then I went to my Primary a couple of days ago. He wanted me to get my blood work done again. He called me later and said that it's pretty clear that I have hypothyroidism. Yay! Well, not yay I have it, but yay that we know what's going on.

He gave me medication and I am going to have to be on it for the rest of my life to regulate my thyroid. But this is good news. Reading up on it, hypothyroidism can affect fertility. With the endometriosis, this may also have been the reason why we haven't been having any luck so far getting pregnant. And it's good we know now too, because if I hadn't known and ended up getting pregnant, it could have affected my pregnancy, my health, and the health of our baby. And that is obviously not a good outcome.

It's really good we found out what is going on when we did. Now we have the medications to fix everything and we can focus on my being healthy and focus on getting pregnant!

Also, I got a job!! I will be working at Hastings. And could move up to a managerial position in a months time or sooner. I am so excited. I actually feel like I'm going to enjoy it there. I am supposed to be a video associate, however, the only time I have spent in the store has been in the book section. I keep finding books that I would love to start reading! And the people I have interacted with there are pretty funny. Lot's of Keven Smith references and people dancing to the music and random bursts of accents....everything that I do!

And it makes me happy because I will be able to finally help out with things money wise. We can make it with Kasey's pay checks, but we can't do anything else besides that. This will definitely help us out. And Kasey wants me to be able to find more people to talk to instead of being at home all day. He's super sweet. And I really miss him like crazy. Just another couple weeks and he'll be home. I wish it were sooner. I just can't wait to pick him up!