One Step at a Time

Just wanted to say something in advance before I begin this post. I'm pretty sure I'll get a few comments telling me how grateful I should be. I KNOW how grateful I should be and how grateful I am. That's not a question. This is a place for me to vent and to share how I am feeling and how we are doing. If I am having a bad day, I am entitled to talk about it. The awesomeness of freedom of speech. That being said...

My emotions are all over the place. I'm feeling so scrambled. It has been a difficult time trying to find a place to live. Have there been places available? Yes. Are we not getting these places because we're being too picky? No. There is so little availability out here because this Army Post is huge. Base housing has a wait of 6-8 months. We basically decided then that we are going to be looking off post. And we have been doing that.

We begin looking online and found a couple of houses for rent that seemed really great. We needed to move fast because some houses that were available online were already taken by the time we called. We set up a time to check out a nice house. We were so excited. I loved this house. It was bigger than some of the ones we found online and it was for the same price. It was in a nice neighborhood and it was just great. I took a lot of pictures and could see us living there and have our dog and our things and everything.

So we went to the realty to fill out an application. Along with that we had to pay a $25 fee. Then we were told to call back in the afternoon to let us know how the application went. I called back and was very disappointed to find we were not approved and that there wasn't a reason written on the paper this lady looked at, but that we wouldn't be getting that house or any other house that realty had to offer and then she hung up the phone. I was pretty devastated. The finality of her words were just so rude, and not being given an explanation was very surprising. Of course I cried. I have been on edge so much lately because of more things and I just was not ready to be told no, we can't have our house.

We started to look for other places and called a realtor this time and went out to look at another house. This one was better than the first. I was a lot more hesitant this time and did not have my hopes up in the least bit. I really wanted this one too. We were sent to a different agency and filled out another application and paid $30 this time. We were told we would get a call within the next 24 hours and then all we had to do was wait. We got a call at 8 the next morning telling us that we weren't approved for that one either. They said that it had "something to do with the credit" and that they printed out a paper for us to come look at to see what went wrong. We went out there and it just turned out to be a number to call to check our credit score.

Kasey's credit isn't the best, but mine is. I can't help but feel like it's because I am not working and bringing in money that they aren't taking my credit into account. I wanted to wait to look for a job until we found a place and were settled, but now we cant get a place because I'm not working. It's been very hard. So we went to housing and they gave us a list of apartments and some brochures and I have been working my butt off looking online and calling places trying to find one with availability and one that allows dogs. The waiting game is so hard and it seems like that is all I ever do.

Kasey is worried about me. I feel like I am letting him down and letting my emotions get the best of me. I know it is hurting his feelings in return. He wants to make me happy. He wants to give me everything and we are just having a tough time getting everything right now. It will all work out, of that I am positive. I am just trying to keep my emotions in check, and I am having a tough time of it.

And this is why I feel so crazy and so all over the place. I am so bummed out about this and so emotional and having a hard time, but then I can't help but feel so happy. It's crazy being sad and happy at the same time, but I am. I am SO happy to be here with Kasey and I am so happy he's home and we get to do this together and get to be around each other. I am so thankful he has friends here and they're letting us stay with them. I feel bad because they are finally able to be together after all of these deployments and they need their alone time too.

Kasey has been amazing to me. Christmas was really good. Trevor, Jessica, Kasey and I all took turns opening presents and Jessica made us a wonderful dinner. I was completely spoiled. My family gave me everything even if I didn't ask for it or make a list or give them anything in return. I feel bad about that too. And my wonderful husband bought two tickets to go see the Red Wings play in Detroit in February.

ok. And I know we'll be ok, because I married a wonderful man who is so caring and he puts up with me. And he loves me for me. Even if I am a bawl baby.