The Last Year and Updates

After New Year's and my birthday, it has been a bit of a reflection phase about how the last year or so has gone. And it's actually gone by pretty quick, but so much was jam packed into it. Last January Kasey came home for leave and we decided to start planning a wedding, he was sent back and we lost a family member, lots of wedding preparations were done and a lot of stress and anxiety went on, then he was finally done with Afghanistan and came home to marry me and we had a great honeymoon, then he had to go away to Germany since he was stationed there, then I decided I couldn't wait for the possibility that he might come home near Christmas so I bought myself a plan ticket and went to Germany, then he finally came home, we packed up all of our things, and we moved together to Tennessee. And that's the short version.

So many firsts, so many goodbyes, so much stress, a bit of hurt, a lot of longing. It's funny when people say it was all worth it, especially with going through so much. And true, it could definitely have been worse. And I would do this last year all over again the exact same way every single time if I was given the option. Nothing comes without hard work, without sacrifices of some sorts, without wanting something so bad.

My family grew this year, I have more parents-if you will-and more siblings. I am so thankful that I get along with Kasey's family so well. It was so nerve wracking meeting them for the first time, wanting their approval, hoping I didn't let them or Kasey down, hoping that they would know in their hearts if Kasey picked the right one to become a new family member. I felt welcomed right away, being invited to spend time with them even after Kasey was sent back to war. My family-my parents, Brittni, Fritz, Cooper-and Kasey's family really kept me going this year. It was a lot of back up that I am completely grateful for.

This past year has just been the first chapter in the new book of our life together. I can't wait to find out what else is in store for us with every turn of the page.

Well we finally have our new place and we finally have cable and Internet and we finally have all of our stuff here from storage. It's so exciting. Our place is looking more and more like a home and its great to feel more comfortable in it. I really need to take some pictures of our set up. The living room is done. The kitchen is mostly done. There are just two boxes of mostly paperwork I need to go through. The upstairs rooms need some work, but I am hoping to clear most of that up this week.

Things have been really tight with money and it has been pretty stressful. But thankfully we are holding together strong and working everything out. I have been making dinners basically every night, and if you know me, this is a new thing. I used to help out my family with dinners when I lived at home with them, but it has been a long time since I have actually cooked things for someone other than myself. So far I think he is enjoying it! Or at least telling me he likes it ;) haha 

I do the dishes basically every day too. That is also different than when living alone. I like it clean in here and I want it to show that I care if it is clean for the other person as well. We also go through a lot of dishes since there are now two of us.

Kasey hung up some pictures around the house and it looks really great. We're still not done decorating, but this is a great start and I love that we have pictures going up the stairwell. Soon, we will be able to get our puppy. We did taxes yesterday and the returns will be here soon. Then we can plan our trip to Detroit to use the tickets he got me for Christmas for the hockey game there and we can get the puppy, and then save as much as we can with the rest.

I love being married to Kasey. He is the sweetest man ever. My favorite part of the day is when he wakes me up in the morning with a hug before he leaves for work, and then when we are laying down at the end of the day ready for sleep, we always kiss each other good night and say "I love you". I know, cheesy, but I really don't care. I am so happy. They seem like such little things, but they really are the biggest.

Things Are Looking Up

Happy late New Year!! I've been wanting to write in here but then feeling unmotivated to do so. So far the beginning of the year still has had it's roller coaster moments, but we've been working through them.

We were still playing the waiting game and it was definitely taking a toll on my patience and I was taking it out on Kasey. I have been completely selfish. I need to sit back and remember, everything that I am going through, Kasey is going through too. I use words like "I" and "me" too often, and when I'm complaining to Kasey I sometimes forget to ask him how he is doing with everything; he is the one always comforting me, and not the other way around.

I definitely feel that since our talk the other day, things have definitely lightened considerably and I am a little less tense with everything, with Kasey's support, and everything has moved to excitement :) That's right! We finally will have a place to live as of this Friday! We had been waiting for a couple of weeks for things to fall into place with this town home that we wanted and it finally did.

We had looked at an apartment, Peacher's Mill, previously during that day because it was the only one we had heard back from that would allow up to 100lb dogs. However it still did not allow German Shepherds. Kasey and I had decided to get his dog first, the Weimeraner. It can get up to about 70lbs or so. It was a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment and it wasn't so bad, but there was this feeling that was irking me, and I had started thinking about this other place that we had previously called on that said they had a town home available. While we were looking at the Peacher's Mill apartment, we inquired again about the dog policy and she then said that it was a 50lb weight limit and that she wasn't so sure about the kind of dog we wanted, even though she also said that someone else in the apartment unit had that kind of dog. She also said they used to allow huskies, but that was before the weight limit change and that we would have to get a miniature if we wanted that.

So we filled out an application since she said she would look into the Weimeraner for us, but we didn't pay the $100 holding fee. Kasey and I decided to call the other place with the town home, The Residence's, back. It would be available January 25th. They didn't have an available place to show us, but said they had pictures on their computer they could show us, so we drove over there and looked at them. The place was so much better, seemed so much cleaner, more open, more around everything, we wouldn't have to worry about people in an apartment above us, and so on. And they allowed Weimeraners. So we filled out an application there and decided we would put the $100 holding fee on that. And all we had to do was wait for them to run our application and to get into the Army help program to get the place as well.

The next day while Kasey was at work, I took Jessica with me to show her the area of the Peacher's Mill apartment. And as we drove by, we not only saw a full grown husky outside with their owner walking it, but a legit purebred (beautiful I might add) Pitbull. I got SO mad. Not that I have anything wrong to say about Pitbulls, but if they are the number one dog on the vicious breeds list not allowed at apartments and this apartment would make an exception for that, then why would they not make an exception for my German Shepherd that I want to get? It definitely made me feel a little easier about going to The Residence's.

So last Friday, we went in as The Residence's had requested us, and we started the application process and had to go back and forth from them to the post to apply for the RPP program (the army housing help program) and finally we signed the lease and are able to move in on this coming Friday! We haven't even technically seen the place, besides the pictures of what it would look like, but really, I don't care at this point. We will have a place to call home while we are here. It's a 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath town home and I am ecstatic.

Once we get to check it out, I will have to take pictures and post them on my facebook page or something. I can't wait to decorate it and finally get all of my stuff out of storage. And then, we will get our puppy!! Yay! :)

One Step at a Time

Just wanted to say something in advance before I begin this post. I'm pretty sure I'll get a few comments telling me how grateful I should be. I KNOW how grateful I should be and how grateful I am. That's not a question. This is a place for me to vent and to share how I am feeling and how we are doing. If I am having a bad day, I am entitled to talk about it. The awesomeness of freedom of speech. That being said...

My emotions are all over the place. I'm feeling so scrambled. It has been a difficult time trying to find a place to live. Have there been places available? Yes. Are we not getting these places because we're being too picky? No. There is so little availability out here because this Army Post is huge. Base housing has a wait of 6-8 months. We basically decided then that we are going to be looking off post. And we have been doing that.

We begin looking online and found a couple of houses for rent that seemed really great. We needed to move fast because some houses that were available online were already taken by the time we called. We set up a time to check out a nice house. We were so excited. I loved this house. It was bigger than some of the ones we found online and it was for the same price. It was in a nice neighborhood and it was just great. I took a lot of pictures and could see us living there and have our dog and our things and everything.

So we went to the realty to fill out an application. Along with that we had to pay a $25 fee. Then we were told to call back in the afternoon to let us know how the application went. I called back and was very disappointed to find we were not approved and that there wasn't a reason written on the paper this lady looked at, but that we wouldn't be getting that house or any other house that realty had to offer and then she hung up the phone. I was pretty devastated. The finality of her words were just so rude, and not being given an explanation was very surprising. Of course I cried. I have been on edge so much lately because of more things and I just was not ready to be told no, we can't have our house.

We started to look for other places and called a realtor this time and went out to look at another house. This one was better than the first. I was a lot more hesitant this time and did not have my hopes up in the least bit. I really wanted this one too. We were sent to a different agency and filled out another application and paid $30 this time. We were told we would get a call within the next 24 hours and then all we had to do was wait. We got a call at 8 the next morning telling us that we weren't approved for that one either. They said that it had "something to do with the credit" and that they printed out a paper for us to come look at to see what went wrong. We went out there and it just turned out to be a number to call to check our credit score.

Kasey's credit isn't the best, but mine is. I can't help but feel like it's because I am not working and bringing in money that they aren't taking my credit into account. I wanted to wait to look for a job until we found a place and were settled, but now we cant get a place because I'm not working. It's been very hard. So we went to housing and they gave us a list of apartments and some brochures and I have been working my butt off looking online and calling places trying to find one with availability and one that allows dogs. The waiting game is so hard and it seems like that is all I ever do.

Kasey is worried about me. I feel like I am letting him down and letting my emotions get the best of me. I know it is hurting his feelings in return. He wants to make me happy. He wants to give me everything and we are just having a tough time getting everything right now. It will all work out, of that I am positive. I am just trying to keep my emotions in check, and I am having a tough time of it.

And this is why I feel so crazy and so all over the place. I am so bummed out about this and so emotional and having a hard time, but then I can't help but feel so happy. It's crazy being sad and happy at the same time, but I am. I am SO happy to be here with Kasey and I am so happy he's home and we get to do this together and get to be around each other. I am so thankful he has friends here and they're letting us stay with them. I feel bad because they are finally able to be together after all of these deployments and they need their alone time too.

Kasey has been amazing to me. Christmas was really good. Trevor, Jessica, Kasey and I all took turns opening presents and Jessica made us a wonderful dinner. I was completely spoiled. My family gave me everything even if I didn't ask for it or make a list or give them anything in return. I feel bad about that too. And my wonderful husband bought two tickets to go see the Red Wings play in Detroit in February.

ok. And I know we'll be ok, because I married a wonderful man who is so caring and he puts up with me. And he loves me for me. Even if I am a bawl baby.

Home?

We're here! And we have internet to hook our computers up to as well. It feels weird going from an I-phone for a couple of weeks back to a lap top. I like the clickity-clack this makes. Anyhoo...

The trip out here was great! We took three days and we got to see a few things and it was just a great experience to have together and I'm really happy to have made it here in one piece! We got along the entire time and that was perfect. I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted to and I kept forgetting to grab my camera. But I will put up what I took when I get the chance.

We drove to Mt. Rushmore and that was pretty cool. It was very cold outside. We made it in the night before to Rapid City. It was incredibly foggy and when we were driving toward the sculpture we were worried if it had been a waste of time because we wouldn't be able to see it, but the skies cleared on the way and it was great! It's smaller in person, because you always see close up pictures of it and everything. The eyes were pretty creepy too. But I know I got a lot of pictures of that, so I will have to find a good one to post.

We went through St. Louis, during rush hour traffic no less, and it was so HUGE. I couldn't get any good pictures because of the stop and go traffic, but it was still amazing to see and I cant wait to go and check in out when we have more time. All of the sports arenas were pretty close to each other and close to the freeway and I thought that was pretty awesome. It was weird seeing a Home Depot right off the freeway and downtown. And there were like apartments or condos inside an old factory warehouse type building right on the side of the freeway. That was really cool to look at too. There were a lot of old structures in Missouri., we had driven through St. Joseph earlier in the day and that was pretty cool to see too.

We are staying with one of Kasey's buddies and his wife, and I am loving it here. They are so nice and I am so grateful to have a place to stay. Jessica and Trevor have been awesome. Their stuff just arrived today and I am so jealous watching them unpack everything and set their place up. I can't wait to do that.

We had been wanting to get a place on post, but Kasey heard form a friend that it might be at least 6 months to get one. We can't stay with the Sampson's forever! They need their alone time and to be able to have their spare room to themselves, and we need to be able to be alone and just be together alone finally. And I want to be able to set our home up too. So I think we will be looking off post if Kasey comes back today and confirms if the wait is going to be that long. We need somewhere that allows dogs since we want to get a puppy soon.

It will all work out, eventually. Unfortunately, it's still a waiting game. We will figure things out together though, and I'm so happy about that. Now I'm just waiting for him to get off work! He needs to hurry up! ;)

It's been awhile

I haven't been able to write in here for a little while. We've been extremely busy since Kasey got home. Plus, with him home, why be on the computer when I can be snuggling and spending time with him. It's so amazing having him home with me. Like just now he just bursts into laughter just to make me laugh. And randomly handing me things to distract me. Oh the simple things :D He's such a nut. Even during disagreements, it actually makes me happy that he's even home for us to be able to have them in person, instead of having to handle everything online and not know with what inflection words are being said.

We have the movers all set up to take care of our stuff. It feels so surreal that we'll be out of here pretty soon. There's still a lot to be done. We have gotten a lot done so far though and it feels great to have so many things so accomplished. Some more simple things, we got new phones together, we just got our first bill together today, we bought our first piece of furniture together last week. I am just so completely happy, I can't say it enough. I am so happy and grateful that I have him home with me.

Kasey took me handgun shooting for the first time last week and I'm addicted. I bought him a Taurus 1911 .45 ACP. And today he bought me a Charter .357 Magnum. It's pretty exciting, I get a big thrill out of it, and I want to go again. Today I was popped in the forehead by a .45 casing. That wasn't that fun. But it got a good laugh out of Kasey, I had a nice little black mark right in the middle of my forehead.

It's just nice to be together again, waking up together, and I know I'm being cheesy, but I have every right to be, try and stop me if you want!

Getting So Close

It's almost here! The day when I can get Kasey from the airport. The day we can finally start things off together, moving forward. It's kind of crazy to think about. I keep getting asked "Are you nervous?" "I bet you're pretty scared huh?" Um, no. I really am not. Maybe these people are scared themselves, but I couldn't be more anxious for this moment. "Scared of moving?" Absolutely not, when I'm following the love of my life and my protector. "I heard Kentucky is pretty crappy." So you've heard it is or you've experienced it? "You're sure you can handle it?" In the words of all the people on those crazy shows like Jerry Springer and Maury: "You don't know me!"

I am so completely excited for this moment. I don't know how many times I can say it for people to even understand. But the only person who really matters in this is Kasey, and I'm pretty sure he knows I am anticipating this as much as him.

I've been working so much overtime these past few weeks, so I am not leaving anyone high and dry at work. I'm pretty exhausted, but I wanted to make sure I had as much done as possible so I would be ready close out on Tuesday.

The goodbyes have already started. My hockey family was last week. I found my cat a new home, and took her there this past Thursday. I'm sure she'll be fine. It's just sad to see her go. And also on Thursday saying goodbye to one of my favorite patients I've ever come across, a Purple Heart Recipient. He and his mom have been coming in to see one of the doctors in my office for quite some time, and its always a pleasure to see them arrive and talk to me. They said the place will fall apart when I leave, theyre too sweet. He had wrote a book, and I was able to get it signed for Kasey and me.

I still have a lot of cleaning to do. I want everything to look nice when he gets back. I'm not the best cleaner, so we'll see how that really turns out.

But until then, I'm just hoping for good weather and a safe flight back to me! I can't wait!

Turning the Page

It's getting closer and closer and feeling more surreal as each minute passes. November 16th is coming and I can't wait for it. I catch myself holding my breath or bouncing up and down in anticipation.  I can feel myself getting more and more jittery. Seeing his face will put a huge smile on mine.

November 16th is going to be a big day. It will be my first day waking up in the last 4 and 1/2 years and technically not be employed. I will be looking for work. And then that night I will be picking my husband up from the airport, and then our lives can truly start together.

It's an intense feeling when you sit and think about it. It's a new chapter. Hell, it might even be a whole new book. We get to do so many things, and experience them together, as a married couple, husband and wife.

And the thing is, I'm not scared. I want it to be now. I didn't really care about my future too much before. I was in my own little world, having my own drama, not knowing what was next, not looking forward to anything, staying in the dark. And then the light and fire and drive came back into my life when Kasey did.

I have never wanted anything more in my entire life. I want to live together, I want to make food together, I want to have our own house, I want to go on walks, I want to go and get that first animal together, I want to have our babies, I want to be old and have grey hair and still hold hands with my soulmate, and have him tell me he still loves me. I want our life, and we can FINALLY start it. You may call me cheesy,  a dreamer, a romantic, but we have been given a precious gift: love, and I'm going to fight like hell to keep it.