It's been awhile. We've been extremely busy. Things have been tough. Things have also been worse though, so that's a plus!
I still don't have a job. I'm trying my best to get one. It's stressing and it's taking it's toll. I just applied for two more today. I'm really hoping it happens soon. We really need this. Kasey is working pretty bad hours on weekends, and he's also going to school right now. He's definitely keeping busy and keeping us afloat. Money is a big issue right now and we still have bills to pay. We're cutting it really close, just getting by. We're still living with Kasey's family. And as much as I love them, I really can't wait to have our own place. I miss our stuff. I miss having more than 1-2 weeks worth of clothes and then washing and then repeating. I miss Yzzy. She's staying with a friend, and I desperately want to see her, even though she hates me.
Don't get me wrong. I am extremely grateful to have a place to stay. To have people watching our pets. To be able to get by 'til the next paycheck. But I need a damn job. I feel like once that happens things will definitely start the ball rolling.
Kasey and I have been married for two years today. He is my best friend and we have been through a lot together. Through miscarriages, fights, no money, crappy jobs, to vacations, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. We've had a lot of Up's to go with our Down's. I feel like it's been bunched together in the last two years, instead of being spread out over time.
I just want to make him proud of me. I want to be just as helpful to our little family as he is. I want to support us as much as he is. I want to have a good paying job so he won't have to work so he can focus on school. I want to be able to buy him presents for our Anniversary, or hell, even just go to dinner. I want him to be able to get all the camo he wants and do all the hunting and fishing he desires instead of me grilling him about how much everything is. I want to be someone he can depend on to make sure that we are floating along with two paddles and even a damn motor instead of us having one life jacket and me clinging desperately to it dragging him down.
I have been thinking about things we can try and sell to get a little extra money. Most of our stuff is in storage however, and not easily accessible. I have even been thinking about selling my wedding dress. I don't want to. But am I ever going to use it again? But it just has me thinking. And looking at pictures today online does as well. We have made it two years. With the stuff we've gone through, that's a big achievement. Hell, even with the times these days, making it two years in a marriage is a huge accomplishment. We've made it this far. It was like this in Tennessee. We were tight then, we're tight now. But we're making it through little by little. We've been making it by with a little help from our true friends too.
I just have to keep believing that everything happens for a reason. Everything has been happening to make us stronger. That even like yesterday when I was mad at Kasey, and he was frustrated with me, that we can laugh at the situation, cut the tension, and he gives me his adorable grin and kisses me. Our plans and our rewards in life are going to happen. I am going to get a job, we are going to get pregnant, we are going to get a home, we are going to get everything we want, we are going to keep moving forward.
