Anticipation

The time has come when I will see my husband again. I feel like it has taken so long, and I also feel like it's flown by. But that's only because the main reason I came back here alone as to find a job to help us get situated and that deadline kept running out. And now it's a bit late. I have applied for many jobs and am waiting to hear back from them. I literally just sent in an application for two more.

 

I know I can't be picky. I really can't. Any money is better than no money. But I also know that we wouldn't be able to live off of me only making 8 bucks an hour. But we just have to make things work right now.

 

I'll be flying out on Wednesday, the movers are coming on Thursday to pick our stuff up, and we'll probably head out Thursday night/Friday morning. We'll have the dog and cat in tow. We have no idea what we're going to do once we get here, especially where we're going to stay with the pets. I can't imagine having to give them away just because I wasn't able to get a job right away to help out with money to procure a place to stay. It seems like a big fail when all I was supposed to do here was get a job and I didn't.

 

I just have to believe that things will work out. Things will turn around and everything will be great. We have so many plans and I want to see them come to fruition. I can't wait for Kasey to get here. I miss him so much. He wants to start going to school in the fall. I think it is an amazing idea and I'm glad he knows what he wants to do. We want to have a home. This may not happen for a while, so we'll have to rent a place for about a year and then go from there. Kasey needs to work on his credit. I wanted to work on mine as well, but when I went in, I expected a lower number than 771, so that was an amazingly pleasant surprise. I have a good percentage option when it comes time for a new car loan.

 

I'm excited for all of our plans together and just moving forward. I have to keep that end goal in mind when I think about how stressing it is right now. It could be worse. We have a lot more going for us than some people do. We just need to hold on to hope and positivity.

That's life! (That's what all people say...)

I feel like even though I'm just as stressed as the last blog, that I'm in a better place right now. Maybe I'm just in a better mood? I have definitely been trying to work on not letting as many things affect me, especially if I have no control on it whatsoever.

 

I have been very reflective lately, thinking of some "what ifs". Not in a longing way, but just playing things out of stuff that's gone on in my life. And I always come back to the fact that I love who I've ended up with and how well our life is together. I wouldn't change it for anything. Everything we have gone through has made us stronger together. Everything I've gone through before, lead me to who I am and who I am with now.

 

It's funny when people say that its hard to tell who your real friends are. I know I've said that a lot too. But it really isn't hard anymore. I know who my true friends are. There are really only a couple of them. They know who they are. They've been there for me, especially since I've been back. I'd rather have those close friends than a bunch of fake ones.

 

I've been watching the Jodi Arias trial lately. My mother in law got me into it. We were really into the Casey Anthony trial when it was on a couple years ago. I have to say that I am addicted. I find all of these dynamics fascinating. I love the psychological aspects of everything. It also has been making me sick to my stomach. It's an up and down roller coaster ride. But it's a lot of entertainment and I'm learning new things every day I watch it.

 

I love learning new things. I wouldn't say it's a regret of mine, but one of my what ifs makes me wonder about going to college. Even thinking about it though I don't know what I would want my major to be. I think criminology would be really interesting, but I am not good with actual physical blood. I can see my own blood and be fine (unless its a finger or toe injury) and I don't mind bloody messes in movies or TV shows. But any blood in person makes me so woozy. I would be a horrible investigator if I couldn't even make it a minute through the crime scene. I've always been interested in Psychology as well, but I am also terrified that there would be that one crazy patient that stalks you. I have a big imagination, so sue me. I had wanted to be a massage therapist before, but my wrists are all screwed up now, I wouldn't be able to do it. And something in the Veterinarian field has always been a passion, but once again, blood. I also love learning things about History and anything with movies. I'm always on Wikipedia and IMDB. I just love learning.

 

I'm still looking for a job. I am waiting to hear back about two jobs that closed, one of which I received an email saying that I as qualified for it. But I haven't heard back since. I called and they said they were conducting interviews and I should hear back soon, but still nothing. I've been here for almost two full months and I don't really have anything to show for it. I'm just really hoping our luck turns around in that area.

 

Kasey has begun all of his closing out. I can not wait to fly back out there and take our drive back! I miss spending time with him. It's hard to go from spending every single day with someone for a year and then be away from them, even though we talk every day.

 

Our plans right now are me finding a job as soon as possible so we can have that stability once Kasey is out and not working. Kasey is wanting to go to school. We want to get a home. We might have to settle for an apartment at first, but we're so ready to start our future and get a home and set it up and hopefully have a place for Chester to run. At some point we'll need two cars. One for him to get to school and one for me to go to work. But it's all just one step at a time at this point.